Hopped Up On Lotus

I’ve come to the conclusion that somewhere in everyone’s head is a “stupid switch”. Time and time again I see people driving cars and they FORGET THEY ARE DRIVING!

People talk on their phones and flick through piles of paper on their laps, teenagers scream and wave to friends out the window, mothers hold conversations with friends and barely look at the road and ALL THE TIME they are in control of a two tonne killing machine!

What the hell is up with these people! I know that every now and then I could be accused of driving on auto-pilot, it happens, but to literally be doing something else while driving?!? Insanity!

I know I’m going to have a car accident. With the amount of driving I have to do in my job it’s just a matter of time and statistics. I take great care that when it does happen it won’t be my fault. These other MORONS practically invite accidents!

Today was indeed a road-rage day, hopefully tomorrow will not be…

Bruno is dead. The German authorities reinstated the shoot-to-kill order and he was shot this morning.

Super news! Subject to reference, terms and conditions, I’ve been offered the job I was applying for in London! I’ll infill some details later but for now I have to shoot.

For any fans of the Terry Pratchett Discworld series, Foul Ole Ron needs no introduction. For the rest of the uncultured rabble, Foul Ole Ron is a smelly, disgusting, rambling old tramp that no-one can understand. Today, he got in my taxi and asked to be taken to the pub.

I eventually found out which pub after the fourth time of telling me and I finally understood what he meant. The gentleman was indeed foul, smelly, spoke barely comprehensibly, and had one eye that stared better than Gowron and the other socket had empty eyelids. All through the (thankfully) short journey he rambled on to himself in some secret language that seemed to include “Ha!” a lot and “So I says!” a fair bit too.

The real gem was just before he left the taxi. He reached over, gripped my arm and said…

“See the trees? Makes yer money. See them daisies? It’s all over, Haha! You know it!”

The worst bit is… the last one was almost understandable…

Don’t know if any one has heard snippets of this story on the news, but a big brown bear called Bruno (or JJ1 as the authorities have dubbed him) has wandered over the border from the Austrian Alps into Bavaria.

At first, there was much rejoicing: Bruno is the first bear in Bavaria for over 100 years. However, in the past few weeks he has consumed many sheep and the locals don’t like him any more. He also seems quite tame so, afraid he might start eating locals (or tourists) the German Government has decided he needs catching. The best hunters both Germany and Austria have to offer have failed. They have called in Finnish trackers with (now sheared) Huskies.

Bruno has been aluding the Finns too, and was last seen sitting on the steps of a police station, happily snacking on a guinea-pig, before moving back into the forest.

If this story has piqued your interest, you too can keep track of the bear equivalent of the Scarlet Pimpernel at Bruno Watch.

Holiday photos as promised, unedited, so some are um…..out of focus!

Click here for photos.