Understanding international politics in terms of cows
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away…
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.
A SPANISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows and you play silly games with them until they die of stress.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You can’t find one of them and you are forced to execute the other, slit open its stomach and climb inside to escape the bitter, bitter cold.
A CZECH CORPORATION:
The Russians own one of your cows, the Americans own the other, but you can’t be bothered to milk them anyway.
A POLISH CORPORATION:
Two cows have you.
A GREEK CORPORATION:
You have no cows.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.
A NORWEGIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows and you won’t share them with anyone else.
AN IRISH FARMER:
You have two cows. You claim government subsidies for eight cows
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.